Pat, i miss you so much.

Writing, i miss you.



I used to write. A lot.
And i haven't so much anymore. I wrote again tonight.
But not for the likes of you.

I found my prose journal. And i would like to share some stuff
from years past:

(via 07)

My eyes are dropping.
My thoughts still pour out through the voices and violins to you, take them.
Add to them, and make them ours.
And in a few, we will tell them to each other.
We do not know when that will be.
But for me it will be soon.
Soon to you lovely.
Soon to you.
The one i dream about. Not only the one in my dreams.
You are appearing more and more.
Because you are going away, more and more.
And so i am creating you.
I am falling in love with you.
More and more.
Not the real you.
However.

(via 05)

I'm going to wander
up in a tree
And sit with
someone i want.
And stare off
through the string lights,
into the distant stars.
The Folk will bring us
poems on platters
and goblets full of music.
We indulge until our lids
become too heavy;
our conscience partially,
then, completely lost.
And we meet again in our reveries.

Don't get hung up. Because nothing matters but Jesus.

I've been thinking about my husband alot.
There are things i know about him.
I've compiled them here:

WHERE ARE ALL OF GOD'S MEN?
(The barracks are no home)

There are things you don't know.
A history lacking of much wanted gambol.
Something that overtakes me at any moment.
Something that i couldn't ever control.
When it is far away from me i don't remember
how dominating it is.
And when it is close, it is a best friend.
It deceives me into thinking that i need nothing else.
Because i now know life without it, i have been trying
trying trying trying
to be without it.
I think i know nothing harder.
This last year i was a weaver,
of smiles snivels laughs and unsettlement.
It's like a a ball and chain shackled to my heart.
I woke up sunday excited.
And as i sat down in my chair,
falling deeper into my seat.
I fell.
I fell to just the surface
of the steep pool i can drown in.
Just the thought of where i could go scares me.
Every day i try.
Every day i need Jesus.
Every day it gets harder and harder.
I've never tried this hard to stay.
I'm sorry if i seem distant to you.
But just know that i am actually proud of myself that day.
Satan is so good at knowing where to get me
he's been trying trying trying.
And i've been trying trying trying
and depending on
Him only.



NOW I CHANGE TOPICS TO
songs of TODAY that make me want to stay:







I will now go make a sandwich and delve deeper into Matthew.

I'm going to throw a Moustache Party soon. Look out.