WE'VE MOVED!

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• Until We Bleed by Kleerup ft. Lykke Li

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I'm going to let you into my little world. My multi-purpose journal.

Here i wrote while at Soda Lake. And this is the view from which i jotted down my spontaneous thoughts.

  Here i am listening to the strings of a guitar being plucked, the sound of birds flying over head, crickets roaring in the daylight and the hum of your love for me. How often are chances such as this? I am looking miles from myself atop a mountain meadow. Again, how often are times as this? These often come but i miss them. I see you through a lens filled with dust everyday. But how you wipe it clean each morning! The wind is like you hugging me. How long should this hour last oh Lord? When will you take me away for your own keeping? It is the bane of me that i ever forget to worship you. Forgive me for my creationisms. Thinking i stand on my own two feet, only to teeter and fall because you have not given me the go ahead and your cane to lean on. You are paradise. Help me to fully know what that means. To grab on to it in my times of weakness. Why must my flesh be so weak of bone and emotion! It is a reminder that those things are not good alone, but are complete in you. If you take me now, how will i have lived? I am but a lily in the field, here today gone tomorrow. Oh, but i would be that lily to give you beauty and enjoyment for just one day. Pluck me from my roots of humanness and the earth. Hold me and have my aroma be sweet to you. Use me as your tool. Break me, pull me apart and make me into something new for your benefit. Like cotton from the fields become blankets at night. Pluck me out Lord, kill me from my nature and fashion me for something new. Something that will benefit you. You gave me sun and rain while i grew, now i am yours to do with what you will. Let me not be sad for the land i leave, but joyous for your hands and your kingdom. You are so simple and complex. You are everything i need to know. Though i lie in darkness i cling to you my mountain. My beautiful fortress. Jesus. You are so real. How could you not be? What is this balloon inside me if not you? I can do nothing myself. I only have choices. In every moment, i either choose you, or the flesh of this temporary beautiful and diminishing world.  How could you have created so much beauty and yet, what i see is only dull and muted to what you truly are? Look! Out into the universe from below. See all the galaxies? Now come back. Here i am, small and wretched, worthless and capable of nothing. But yet, oh, but yet. Why do you care for me? Why do you love me more than the lilies and the galaxies? No one has ever loved me, no one but you, no one like you.

True love i do not deserve

And you deserve it all. 

But love yet, you still serve

You always break my fall.

Alone i've felt so often before. But no, no i am not! Give me no one else my Lord, though no one be by my side i have you. I cling to you. I need nothing else. Take me now and i will be happy, because i have known you. And because i will know you more.

If you've taken any sort of art history, you will enjoy this:

Love like no other.

"I know its ignominy, but I despise the shame—I am prepared to endure it all. I look upon the cross as the gate of triumph, as the portal of victory. Oh, shall I tell you what I shall behold upon the cross?—just when mine eye is swimming with the last tear, and when my heart is palpitating with its last pang; just when my body is rent with its last thrill of anguish, then mine eye shall see the head of the dragon broken, it shall see hell’s towers dismantled and its castle fallen. Mine eye shall see my seed eternally saved, I shall behold the ransomed coming from their prison-houses. In that last moment of my doom, when my mouth is just preparing for its last cry of ‘It is finished;’ I shall behold the year of my redeemed come, I shall shout my triumph in the delivery of all my beloved! Ay, and I shall see then, the world, mine own earth conquered, and usurpers all disthroned, and I shall behold in vision the glories of the latter days, when I shall sit upon the throne of my father David and judge the earth, attended with the pomp of angels and the shouts of my beloved!” Yes, Christ saw in his cross the victories of it, and therefore did he pant and long for it as being the place of victory and the means of conquest. “I,” said Jesus, “if I be lifted up, if I be exalted,” he puts his crucifixion as being his glory."


-C.H. Spurgeon 
"Sermon 139: Christ Lifted Up"

TODAY IS THE DAY

Two years from today Pat died.
I'll never forget this day because it is the day after my birthday.
I don't think i can write another blog about it.
But if you go HERE you can read all about her.